30 Birthday Wishes for Your Brother (Funny, Short & Emotional)

Brothers communicate almost entirely through insults, so a sincere birthday message from you is going to be treated as evidence that something is badly wrong.

Which is why the funny ones come first here. Lead with the joke, land the honest line at the end, and he'll read it more than once without ever mentioning it.

Funny

• Happy birthday! Another year and still no sign of the personality upgrade we were promised.

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• Happy birthday to my brother, who peaked at a school sports day in 2011 and still brings it up.

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• You're getting old. I'm aging beautifully. Genetics is a lottery. Happy birthday!

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• Happy birthday! I was going to get you something good but then I remembered what you got me.

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• Congratulations on another year of being the second-best sibling. Happy birthday.

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• Happy birthday to the man who has never once returned a thing he borrowed.

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Short

• Happy birthday, brother. Legend.

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• Another year of putting up with you. Worth it, mostly. Happy birthday.

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• Happy birthday to my brother and my oldest partner in trouble.

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• Have a good one, mate. Happy birthday.

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• Happy birthday. Still the only person I'd share a room with.

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• Older, wiser, still wrong. Happy birthday!

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For an older brother

• Happy birthday to the brother who went first and took the blame for both of us.

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• You taught me half of what I know and all of what I shouldn't repeat. Happy birthday.

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• Happy birthday to my big brother — the standard I've been quietly measuring myself against for years.

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• Thank you for every time you stood in front of me without being asked. Happy birthday.

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• Happy birthday. You made growing up a lot less frightening.

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• You were my first friend and my first rival. Still both. Happy birthday.

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For a younger brother

• Happy birthday to my little brother, who is somehow taller than me and never shuts up about it.

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• I've watched you turn into someone genuinely impressive. Don't let it go to your head. Happy birthday.

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• Happy birthday. You'll always be the kid who copied everything I did, and I secretly loved it.

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• Proud of you, and I'll deny that in public. Happy birthday.

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• Happy birthday to the brother I was supposed to look after, who now gives better advice than I do.

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• Whatever you're building this year, I'm backing it. Happy birthday.

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Emotional

• Happy birthday. Nobody else remembers our childhood the way you do, and that gets more valuable every year.

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• You're the person I'd call first if it all went wrong. Happy birthday.

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• Happy birthday to the one who has seen every version of me and never brought it up unkindly.

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• We've argued about everything and I'd still pick you. Happy birthday, brother.

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• Happy birthday. I don't say it often, so read it twice: I'm proud of you.

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• However far apart we end up, you're still home. Happy birthday.

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Send him a roast, not a card

For a brother, the correct gift format is a pirate spyglass full of unflattering photos of him with a caption under each, ending on one sincere line he won't expect. Or five nested boxes he has to work through before he gets the letter.

Both free, both take about five minutes on gift.rayxis.space. Look through the spyglass first, then build his.

All of them are on one page. The wish generator has the same lines if you would rather be handed five than scroll thirty.